Our Sweet Waverly Maeve

Today it has been 279 days since I found out I was pregnant. 193 days since I learned that my baby’s body would not be able to support life. 38 days since she has been born. 37 days since she she took her last breath. It feels like forever yet feels like no time has passed at all. Emotionally my world has stopped turning, but I still go on. I have to. Today Maverick and I drove 1.5 hours to participate in a project for pregnancy and infant loss awareness. It felt nice but it was also very hard. There were babies there, baby girls there. I was okay being around them. I wasn’t okay when maverick would eagerly run over to the baby and he would “ooo” and “ahhh” It really breaks my heart because I know he’s confused. Where did his baby sister go? He’s just too young to fully comprehend what happened. All he knows is that he loves her, now he loves every baby that he sees.  But anyway, on my drive up I did a lot of thinking. And I thought about why this happened to me. And although...

How are you doing? How are you feeling? Those are the questions I get whenever I’m out and about and run into someone I know. I usually just say “fine” or “taking it day by day”. The truth is, I’m still very early on in my grief journey. Each day brings its own challenges, it’s own “triggers” as us loss parents call it. I’m still recovering from my c-section, but I really can’t complain about the physical aspect. I feel pretty good physically. Of course I’m still limited on the things that I can do, but I am feeling pretty close to normal. Emotionally, well I don’t think I will ever be 100% again. A part of me will always be longing for Waverly, this is the new me, and I have to accept that. I still laugh and I still smile but I also go through the stages of grief everyday. I have good days and bad days... and that is to be expected. Like I said, I’m still early on in this process. We’ve dedicated three areas in our home for Waverly. She has a spot in the living room, that will even...