The Struggle
I say this phrase a lot. For silly reasons and serious reasons. But life right now really is a struggle. I’ve been numb, in that “shock stage”. People usually think that grief is the hardest the first few days, but that is far from the truth. Of course I was sad those days, but I was also really numb. Not feeling much of anything. I’ve gotten through those days. I attended infant and child loss ceremonies. I’ve gone to several support group meetings. I’ve been doing everything to stay on my two feet. I started a new job and went back to work full time. I do things with Maverick on the weekends. We visit Waverly whenever I’m off. I do everything to “prove” that I’m alright. But lately I’ve been silently struggling. No, that doesn’t mean I’m crying myself to sleep every night. But it does mean I’m crying (or trying not to cry) more often than I have before. That numb state is starting to wear off. I’m realizing that this is my life. How is this my life? It’s like I’m watching