5-ish Years Later..

Hi all!

I wasn’t sure if anyone still checked this (and I forgot my login information)… but turns out this blog still gets visitors.

I figured I would just do a new blog post since it’s been 4 years since the last one. Maybe you’re on a similar path as I was and you’re like “Dang, these posts are old. How is she doing now?”

I say this because there was a blog I found while pregnant with Waverly that was already a few years old. The final post was about the birth/death and then nothing. I often wondered how they were doing. So here is a little synopsis of life after carrying to term and child loss.

I had another baby boy, Weston, December 12, 2020. He was born via repeat c-section. He was healthy and I had an uneventful pregnancy/surgery. I breastfed for 18 months with no problems.

In August of 2021, we moved to a bigger home for our family. We are surrounded by great neighbors and lots of kids.

In the fall of 2021, I started a new position at work and was able to work from home some.

During this time, I was a shadow of myself. I tried going to church but I felt empty on the inside. I packed on lots of weight. I avoided a lot of events and celebrations. It was hard for me to be around babies, especially girls. I basically worked and stayed home. I couldn’t recognize myself.

2022 comes around and I wanted to change my life. I started going to the gym and eating better. We took a trip to Florida during the spring. The gym was short lived because well, I soon found out I was pregnant. We took another trip to Norway and announced to everyone that we were expecting baby #4.

We welcomed another boy, Bowen via c-section on February 20, 2023. That was another uneventful pregnancy. I did have some postpartum bleeding but they treated it during my hospital stay and had no further complications. I am still breastfeeding (13+ months) with no issues.

During this past year, I found myself. I focused on myself. I lost 40+ pounds. I say yes to events/celebrations. I can be around babies. I can be around baby girls and love on them. I have let go and put all my worries, stress, anxiety, anger, sadness onto Jesus. We regularly go to church as a family. We listen to worship music and I read the Bible daily. I became a stay at home and work per diem as a pediatric home nurse.

I have come to true peace with my life. Happiness. The cemetery visits to see Waverly are less frequent, but she is always on my mind. I think of her and smile. Moments of grief still strike, but it is not common.

I thank her, and I thank Jesus. Because of her, we have Weston and Bowen. Because of her I got a new job and met amazing people. Because of her we moved to a great home with amazing neighbors. Because of her I have made meaningful connections with so many families. And this is all thanks to Jesus for being there every step of the way. Even if I didn’t feel it. Even if I was angry, He was there.

“The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.” Psalms‬ ‭23‬:‭1‬-‭4 NIV

I am here 5+ years after learning of Waverly’s diagnosis. I am grateful. Grateful that I was so deserving to be Waverly’s mom. I once thought my life was never going to be as I planned. I was always going to have this giant void. But I am here to tell you that one day, you will smile. You have to take these life challenges second by second. Feel your emotions, sit with them. One day, things will be better. I thank Jesus for getting me to this point. Some things don’t make sense, and you may question “why?”. But as I look at my life, it all starts to make sense.

I know that I will be reunited with Waverly one day. I also know that she is whole and perfect and lives in true paradise.

So if you’re new, or you found yourself on a similar journey. Hold on to your faith. It does get better.

Emily