Waverly's Birth Story

It's been one whole week since Waverly was born. It's been six days since she took her last breath. It's been four days since I held her in my arms. And it's been one day since I kissed her sweet forehead one last time.
I can't believe this is my life now. My arms simply ache to hold her again. Knowing I must live a lifetime without her is the worst thing in the world. I know we will be runited again, and that is what will get me by.
I wanted to post her birth story. This is not the story about her death or her funeral, that is for another time. This is all about the day Waverly Maeve Gray was born.

August 16th. August 16th, the day I had circled on my calander for the past month. The day Waverly was to be born. I remember feeling so anxious, so nervous in the days leading up. I had periods of deep grief that turned into pure excitement. I was getting closer to meeting my baby girl! I somehow managed to get a good amount of sleep the night before. I did wake up around 3:50 am, and couldn't fall back asleep. So I decided to get ready. I hopped into the shower got all cleaned up and used the special soap they gave me to prep for surgery. It was definitely weird being able to get yourself already before giving birth. It almost didn't feel real. I mean how could it feel real when you're not in labor?

Around 5:45 am, I went into Maverick's room and got him ready for the day. My parents arrived to my house shortly after 6 am and we hung out for a bit before leaving at 6:20 am.

We didn't have to be at CHOP until 8, but we wanted enough time in case we hit traffic. And there was absolutely no traffic. I told Jim to slow down, we were definitely not in a hurry. I kept looking up at the sky on our drive. It was an absolutely beautiful day. The sun was shining and it was only going to be in the 80's. She had perfect weather for her birthday.

We arrived at the parking garage at CHOP shortly after 7. I gave Maverick a banana and some yogurt to snack on while we waited in the car. Around 7:30 we started to unload the cars of our bags. We then started our walk toward the elevator. It still didn't real at this point. It felt like just another typical appointment.

We took the elevator to floor 2 and got checked in with security. We then made our way up to floor 5. We had my parents wait in the waiting area while we got checked into the room.

Jim, Maverick and I continued our walk to the Special Delivery Unit. We pressed on the buzzer and walked over to the nurse's station. They asked for my name and then she showed us to our room. Room 5. The room directly in front of the nurse's station. 

We got checked into our room, and I started to unload the suitcase. I brought so many decorations and outfits for Waverly. I began putting everything on the ledge by the window when my nurse (Stephanie) and a nurse orientee (Shawnece, I know I messed up the spelling) walked in. They gave me the biggest hug and explained how the day would go. They gave me my hospital gown and some wipes to prep me once again for surgery. While I was in the bathroom getting ready, I was telling Jim to continue to decorate and take all of Waverly's things out of the room. We put so much love into that room.

After I was all prepped again, I helped Jim and then the nurses returned. They took some blood and then started my IV. My nurse told me there was going to be a delay with my c-section. The first c-section of the day was pushed back, and then there was possibly another c-section that was going to be done because she was in labor. I didn't mind. I eventually told Jim to get my parents who then hung out with us. Jim's parents eventually arrived. Around 11:20, I told them all to go get some lunch, especially Jim. They all walked down to the cafeteria and it was just me hanging out in my room. Jim's sister arrived and kept me company. At 11:45 my nurse arrived and told me we would be going back at 12. I quickly texted Jim to get back to the room. Before he arrived, my nurse came back in and told me it was going to be 12:20.

I texted Desiree who would be photographing those  first moments of Waverly's life that we would be going back soon. The nurse came back in and said that she forgot to get blood for CBC so she had to do that real quick and that pushed the c-section back again, about another hour.

We had our family come back to the room. They all hung out with us until I texted Jim to ask them all to leave. I really had to use the bathroom and the hospital gown didn't cover my back, plus I wanted to get a little rest beforehand. So our family left and it was just Jim and I. Around 1:00pm my nurse came back with the results of my blood work and told me it was time. It still didn't feel real.

Jim and I then started the slow walk back to the OR room. We reached the doors and my nurse told me it was time to say good-bye to Jim. That's when the tears started to flow. We gave eachother the biggest hug and kiss. That's when it felt real. My excitement turned into worry. What was going to happen now.

I walk into the OR and greeted the nurses and doctor that were there. I was told to sit up on the bed and they continued to prep me and then I got my spinal block. That was a little brutal at times, but once the medication hit, it was all better. They helped me lay back on the table. They continued to prep me. I was started on medications. They asked about my pulse and blood pressure because it was low, but I'm normally low so it was all fine. The blue curtain was put up. I couldn't believe this was happening. I stared up at the ceiling at the bright lights. They tested the anesthesia by poking me in various places. When it was confirmed that is was working, the surgery began. I remember feeling a heaviness on my chest and being very nauseous. The anesthesiologist explained beforehand that that was a common feeling. So I wasn't concerned at first. But then I had an overwhelming feeling that I wanted to jump up because of the heaviness and nausea that I felt. So I told my anesthesiologist how I was feeling and he said it was my blood pressure. He gave me some medicine and I felt better. 

Soon, the chaplain, a priest, child life specialist and finally Jim joined. I just kept staring at the lights, praying for a safe delivery. 

“2:15 ! Happy Birthday Waverly!” “Congrats!” I was confused, I didn’t hear any crying. “Wait, she’s born?” I asked Jim and he nodded his head. I was still so confused, it was so quiet. I told Jim to take a video. There were several videos that I wanted and this was one of them. I felt my eyes getting watery as the quietness consumed the room. Then I finally saw Waverly being held by the doctor. Oh, I so wanted to hear her cry. I kept asking over and over if she were breathing. Oh please be breathing. I tried to turn my head as far as it can go looking over as they quickly assessed Waverly before handing her off to Jim. Please cry Waverly, please cry. I tried so hard to turn my body to see her. To see if her chest was moving.

Jim brought her over to my face and I kept asking if she was breathing. I brought my arm over as far as it could go so I could stroke her cheek. I said hello, told her how beautiful she was. The priest then came over to baptize her. I could then see her chest moving up and down. Then finally, her cry. By the grace of God. I was so happy. She had the sweetest cry I ever heard. She was finally placed on my chest as I kept telling her how good she did, how proud I was and to hold on to see her big brother. I kept stroking her cheek, looking at her precious face. Oh how I struggled to lift my head to give her a kiss. I heard her coo and saw her eyes gaze into mine. This was love at first sight. I loved her so much in my womb, but holding her in my arms was a love like no other. I then handed her over to Jim as I was moved to another bed. Then she was placed back in my arms as we went back to our room. Jim and I had the biggest smiles on our faces. We were and still are so, so proud of her! I quickly told Jim to go get Maverick and the photographer. He returned with Maverick and boy was he excited to see her! He is so in love with her. Waverly has such an awesome big brother. Soon after, our parents and my sister and Jim's sister entered the room. Everyone had the biggest smile on their faces. No one knew what to expect when she was born, but she showed us a true miracle. 

The rest of the day was spent with visitors coming in and out. Jim and I were able to give her a bath, which she absolutely loved. She looked so at peace while getting the water poured over her hair. She breastfed twice and was so amazing at it. I felt so bad though because of how fragile she was. I was unable to find a good position for her to nurse for a long enough period. She hurt so much when she was moved. And that hurt my heart so much. 

She did so well on all of her assessments by the nurses. Her heart was so very strong! I don’t think I gave her enough kisses or smelled her wonderful scent enough. She is an absolutely beautiful baby. There was so much love on the day of her birthday. I hope that she felt it. I know that she did. She looked so at peace all day.

She spent the day being held by only Jim and I. She napped on Jim's chest. And then was returned to lay with me. I loved holding her. Although she was extremely fragile and made me feel like a brand new mother all over again. Jim became quite the pro at transfering her from one place to another. He handled her so well. He was such an advocate for her. He made sure he told every nurse or doctor who entered the room how to handle her. He was so protective of his little girl.

Then night time rolled around. She started off in the bassinest on her belly because she seemed more comfortable that way. She woke up crying so I had Jim get her and bring her to me. I tried to nurse her again, but she was in too much pain. I then put her on my chest, skin to skin. Stroking her cheek and trying to soothe her. I did not like to hear her cry. She would eventually relax and fall asleep on my chest. Oh how I loved how she squirmed when she slept. I rubbed her back and kept telling her how much I loved her and how proud I was. We had a few scares that night. I was so sad for her. She would get really worked up from being in pain and that would really disrupt her breathing pattern. I really hated to see her like that. I cried so much that night. I thought I was going to lose her. I told Jim to get the doctor to get her some morphine. We got her some and that seemed to help. She then continued to sleep on my chest that night. I didn't put her back in the bassinest until early next morning. 

I will post about her second and final day on this Earth another time. But she honestly had a beautiful Birthday. There was so much love radiating throughout the room. She was such a strong girl. She made so many people proud that day.