Third Trimester!

Wow, I can’t believe we are in this final stretch! I’m so happy our baby girl is staying strong and still with us. The OB doctor I was originally seeing said she would most likely die at 26 weeks. Well here we are, week 28. I’m praying we can make it as close to 40 weeks as possible. I really don’t have any updates. I had a regular OB appointment on 5/23, Waverly’s heart rate was a strong 149. I also had the beloved glucose test ordered which I took the other day.
I’d like to look back on this second trimester. With Maverick I really enjoyed the 2nd trimester. The little morning sickness I had was gone, I had my energy back, I had a belly but wasn’t uncomfortable, I knew the gender so I started buying clothes, nursery decor and registering for his baby shower. This time around, things were different. We found out Waverly’s gender at 9 weeks 6 days. I was estatic she was a girl. I immediately started to look at paint colors, the cutest bows and clothes. When I hit the 12 week mark, the “safe zone”, we picked out the paint color for the nursery along with a paint color for Maverick’s big boy room. After the NT scan and receiving low risk on the genetics test I started buying clothes and looking at nursery decor and bedding. So yes, at 12 weeks 6 days her legs were measuring short but like I mentioned before, the doctor did not make a big deal about it so I was not concerned. I was picking up 3-4 shifts a week so I had plenty of spending money for her. As we know, our world stopped turning on March 14th. At this point, Waverly’s room was partially painted, I purchased bows and several pieces of clothing. To this day, her room remains with the same amount of paint around the trim. Eventually we will finish painting the room, but I know it will be incredibly hard to do so. After finding out the news, I didn’t pick up a shift at work for nearly 5 weeks. How could I take care of others when my mind was mentally exhausted? During those weeks I wasn’t working, I reached out to palliative care support groups, bought blankets and stuffed animals. When I finally returned to work, I put on a strong face. I was and still am working about once a week, nothing more than that. It’s very hard to pretend that everything is okay. That my pregnancy is fine. Many people I work with know what’s going on, but at the same time many people don’t. It’s really hard for me to go into details multiple times, so as hard as it is, it’s a lot easier to pretend that everything is okay.
During this 2nd trimester, Jim and I met with a funeral home. We went to the cemetery she will be buried at. I purchased an angel gown and accessories for her. Looked at headstones and caskets. Joined support groups for stillbirths and infant loss to prepare myself. Changed hospitals and doctors. Packed our hospital bags so we are ready when the time comes. I felt a twinge of pain with each pregnancy announcement I heard or saw. Get anxious when strangers try to make small talk about my pregnant belly. Feel a sense of sadness each time I enter what would be her nursery, with partially painted walls. But all the while, I am trying to remain positive. Trying to remain hopeful. That somehow the scans and tests are wrong. That somehow I will give birth to a perfect, healthy baby. That somehow I will be able to bring her home. As the days tick by and we get closer and closer to the end of this pregnancy, my emotions are all over the place. Not knowing when she will be born, not knowing exactly what the outcome will be. Knowing that in 2 weeks we will be making a birth plan and writing down all of our wishes. It’s getting harder but I am doing my absolute best to stay positive. I really enjoy feeling her kicks, taking her to many different places. Taking tons of pictures of my belly. Reading her stories. Having Maverick give the biggest hugs and use my belly as a pillow. I’m soaking it all in. Because in the end, no one knows what the outcome will be. We are praying for a miracle but reamaining realistic. This is an unimaginable journey, and unless you have been in these shoes, you have no idea how your emotions go all over the place. There are highs and lows, while trying to stay strong for your family.. even though all you want to do is scream.
So yes, a normal pregnant woman would be thrilled to be entering her last trimester. I am excited to meet Waverly, but with the unknowns, I wish I could stay pregnant forever with her.
That’s all for now. My next OB appointment is 6/13 and next CHOP visit is 6/18 so I will be posting sometime around then.